On June 8th, 2018 my world came to a screeching halt. My husband and I have been married for seven and a half years and had been anticipating the arrival of our first child for a long, grueling 38 weeks.
To give you a little background, I did not have the best experience with pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant on October 12th, 2017. I was ecstatic! So much so, I was laughing uncontrollably. A week later I had woken up to slight cramping and passing some fairly large clots when using the bathroom. I was devastated thinking that I had already lost the baby we so desperately wanted and prayed for. After a trip to the doctors office they confirmed there were not one, but two sacs; but no signs of a baby in either one yet. I was already scared of losing my baby, and now I could be having two?!?! We had a follow up appointment on October 30th, 2018 to see if there had been any growth in the sacs. There was now only one sac; but a healthy, growing baby inside it. At this point, my doctor changed my due date from June 12th to June 22nd, 2018.
Between my two October appointments I started developing severe all day sickness and nausea. I couldn’t keep anything down and gagged at the thought of eating a cracker. I was put on a prescription medication to help with the nausea and vomiting. It helped, but not 100%. I was still nauseous most days and barely ate for the first three to four months of my pregnancy.
Once the nausea and vomiting finally calmed down, I thought I was in the clear and the rest of my pregnancy was going to be great! I sure was a fool. I traded the sickness for indigestion, acid reflux, and fatigue. Most days I would come home from work, have dinner, and go to bed all before 8pm! This continued for the remainder of my pregnancy.
To add to the indigestion, acid reflux, and fatigue; I developed PUPPS rash. It’s a pregnancy rash that is excruciating and the only cure for it is delivery. I had this rash the last two months of my pregnancy and it covered my entire body. I kept telling myself that everything I was going through was worth it; because in the end, I’m going to have a beautiful baby boy that I get to love on for the rest of my life.
On June 5th, 2018 I went in for a routine pregnancy visit only to get there and have high blood pressure. I had had perfect blood pressure readings my entire pregnancy so this was a little alarming to me and the physician. After being in the office for a while, and my doctor having me lay on my side before taking an additional reading, my blood pressure returned to normal. I had another appointment on the 6th and the 7th to check my blood pressure. Since I was still reading high, my doctor suggested to go ahead and induce the morning of June 8th.
My husband and I left the appointment both excited and nervous. We were having our baby two weeks early! I could not wait to meet him. We went home to finish packing our hospital bag, install the car seat in the car, and rest before becoming a family of three!
It’s the morning of June 8th. We had everything ready and headed to the hospital to check in at 5:30am. An hour later our world stopped.
The first nurse came in to hook me up with all the monitoring systems and she was unable to find our son’s heartbeat. She said that sometimes it happens and left to go get another nurse. The second nurse couldn’t find his heartbeat and I knew then that something was wrong. She left to go get an ultrasound machine and was still unsuccessful in finding his heartbeat. They went and got a doctor, and that doctor confirmed that our son no longer had a heartbeat and was gone. I felt like I had been sucker punched. I knew at any moment I would wake up from this nightmare and everything would be okay. But I didn’t wake up, and everything wasn’t okay.
This is my journey to healing. I will be sharing more parts of our story. I’m not the best writer. My mind is constantly going in a million directions. Please bare with me as I share my story. I hope that it will reach someone, touch someone, and bring awareness to the roughly 71 children born still in America every day.